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This is a bedfellow column by Zachary Moore. Zachary is alive in the Texas freethought community, confined as Coordinator of the Dallas/Fort Worth Coalition of Reason, Executive Director of the Fellowship of Freethought in Dallas, and Treasurer of Camp Quest Texas. He loves visiting churches and added houses of worship, and is not yet accommodating to accept that he may accept a problem.

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Part 2, in which addition agnostic abounding addition Men’s Appointment in Texas, will be acquaint tomorrow.

Lone Star Religion

Here in Texas, we apperceive how to do churches. You can acquisition them on aloof about every corner, in aloof about every denomination. And aloof like aggregate else, the churches are bigger, too. Of the bigger Protestant churches in the country, three of the top ten (including the bigger itself) can be begin in the Lone Star State. Joel Osteen pastors Lakewood Abbey in Houston, and Jack Graham pastors Prestonwood Abbey in Plano, area I saw Christopher Hitchens agitation William Dembski aftermost year. The other, non-Osteen megachurch in Houston is pastored by Ed Young, whose son Ed Inferior now pastors the Fellowship Abbey in Grapevine, Texas, now the 14th bigger in America.

The Fellowship Abbey of Grapevine is a archetypal Texas megachurch. Their campus is the admeasurement of a association college, their assembly ethics are college than best bounded account studios, and they’ll aloof as appropriately advertise you a $5 latte as a San Pellegrino water. Really, it’s aloof an chantry to its arch pastor’s personality, as best of the megachurches accept become. The abbey itself is a brand, and the pastors alike added so. With a aggregation of advisers paid to advance adoration services, bear sermons, and serve the needs of the pew-sitters, Young is chargeless to jet about the country giving motivational speeches, negotiating media deals, and cerebration up able means to allude the chat “God” into accustomed words to accord Christians the “godfidence” to “godvertise” their beliefs.

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It’s absolutely aloof the Brave New World of Christianity area the arch pastor is beneath the airy baton of his flock, and added like a CEO of a association with tens of bags of employees. But instead of those advisers actuality paid to accommodate a account to the company, they pay the aggregation for the account of claimed motivation, amusing connection, and moral well-being. It’s not an accessible job, I wouldn’t imagine, but as continued as he can accumulate his million-dollar abode on Grapevine Lake, I’m abiding he’s appealing blessed with the arrangement.

Inside the Lambs’ Den

I’m no drifter to the central of a church. Earlier this year, I was alike arrive to allege to a Sunday School chic at Lake Pointe Church, addition Dallas-area megachurch. I’ve additionally alternate in Christian “Men’s” ministries in the past, and in 1998 as a Christian I abounding a Promise Keepers assemblage at the old Hoosier Dome in Indianapolis. It was basically a covering awakening atmosphere, with the primary bulletin being: adjure calm with added men, adulation your wives, and for god’s sake, stop arena with your penis.

I didn’t apperceive if the “Man Stuff” appointment would accept a agnate anti-onanistic message, but on accession at the abbey on Friday evening, I could see that at atomic they weren’t arena abecedarian with the name. Flanking the parking lot access were two deer stands, and aural the lot itself were marked-off areas in which were displayed beef cars, motorcycles, barbecue grills, and recreational boats. At the capital access to the abbey were a brace of our bounded restaurant trucks affairs Tex-Mex food, belted by ample speakers bulging active rock-n-roll with assault bass and cutting vocals. Inside, the capital atrium had been angry into a no-holds-barred adviser of machismo, with a absolutely appointed battle arena as the aerial altar. Surrounding it were dartboards, foosball, ping-pong, and basin tables, video bold stations, and of advance several astronomic flat-screen televisions arena a bend of sports highlights. Decorating the walls were posters with quotes from acclaimed men, knot-tying and baseball-throwing diagrams, and active sports jerseys from every alliance imaginable. The aperture accident of the appointment itself was a chicken-wing bistro contest. Loud, anguish music played central as well, authoritative it about absurd to think, let abandoned allocution to anyone. I half-expected to acquisition Tim Allen watching from a corner, grunting contentedly.

Following my adolescent scrotum-slingers to the aperture ceremonies, I fabricated my way into the capital sanctuary, a amazing amphitheater able of basement thousands. A brace of inferior pastors mugged for the admirers with a abstinent attack at mutually acrimonious humor, which alloyed seamlessly into the aboriginal of abounding agreeable performances. In general, I acquisition avant-garde adoration music as a accomplished to be bland, repetitive, and unchallenging. This was alone hardly different, in that the musicians were alone male, the songs were articulate abundant louder, and the apparatus mix advantaged the bass and drums added than usual. Scanning the allowance while cat-and-mouse for the songs to end, I did apprehension that the accident had admiring a ethnically assorted crowd, with added African-American and Hispanic attendees than I would acquisition at any accustomed freethought event.

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Pastor Young took the date like a superstar, an evangelical Tony Robbins who wears the spotlight like a adequate bathrobe. His aperture adoration was short, hurried, and after any apparent point. Abaft him, stagehands formed out a life-size archetypal of a abundant white bluff as he bragged that we men were the acme predators of our communities, and that we should be acting like it. Interspersed amid tangentially-related fishing anecdotes and simplistic arbitrary credibility was a burden custom-built for the audience: we are men and we are awesome. And Jesus is the awesomest man of all.

It was difficult to actuate what exactly, besides stoking the brittle egos of the men who’d paid acceptable money to be there, Young capital us to do. Read the Bible, okay. Go to church, okay. Hang out with added Christian men, okay. Simple abundant I suppose, but the men about me reacted like he was imparting truths hidden from altruism for millennia.

Next up was Stovall Weems, arch pastor of Celebration Abbey in Jacksonville, Florida; a abate megachurch than Fellowship but fast growing. Area Young preached slick, Weems preached loud. He additionally relied added heavily on scripture than Young, referencing primarily the adventure of Gideon’s celebration over the Midianites in the book of Judges. The basal bulletin was that God would abutment us men, alike if the allowance were ample adjoin us as they were for Gideon. I acclaimed with claimed absorption that Gideon’s aggressive approach were about terror-based, although I agnosticism abounding of my adolescent attendees would accept accepted the irony.

I was somewhat afraid that the address for offerings was fabricated with such assailment and aboveboard sliminess by a chief pastor who took abundant amusement in absolutely advancement us to booty our time award our checkbooks and autograph as big a analysis as accessible to the church. As he strode aback and alternating abaft the podium, he alike absurd a alongside beam and said with ablaze blitheness that the brittle new $100 bill in our wallets would accept a abundant bigger home in the velvet-lined alms baskets advancing our way. After he vanished, the adoration aggregation reappeared and I was admiring to apprehend them ball a appropriate awning of Mumford and Sons’ “The Cave.” A little banjo goes a continued way to abatement my aboriginal breast.

The capital accident was, of course, six after battle matches captivated aback in the Man Stuff Atrium. I’m not a huge fan of pugilism, but I accepted the admeasurement to which the organizers had approved to accomplish it as abundant like a absolute battle exhibition as possible. Guys of all ages were awash about the arena on all sides, and were amassed about the upper-level accouter attractive bottomward on the action. Once again, the loud, assault bass music started up and the godly warriors commutual off to authenticate their skills, such as they were. I begin best of the fights to be appealing tame, with a few acceptable assault landed actuality and there, but contrarily a absolutely abecedarian event. Still, the added men seemed to adore it, and there were chargeless hot dogs and nachos to be had, authoritative it a appropriate Friday night in the Dallas suburbs by best measurements.

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The Land of Accidental Misogyny

I would be behindhand if I didn’t acknowledgment the absolutely disgusting parts. Not the accomplished and bruised affiliation of adoration and motivational pabulum, nor alike the over-the-top caricaturing of masculinity, but in the common and accidental misogyny I couldn’t advice but apprehension all about me.

To cull off an accident of this size, you’re acutely activity to charge a lot of help. And there were lots of bodies helping. Lots of women, to be precise. Every which way I turned, there was a woman dressed in atramentous cutting a advance sticker, allowance a man. Allowance him get some food, cloudburst his coffee, acrimonious up his trash. To be sure, they were accomplishing it with a smile, but that fabricated it alike a bit ickier in my mind. Once in the capital sanctuary, amidst by a brace thousand guys, I happened to attending up to the abandoned balustrade seats alone to see a dozen or so women attractive out, hidden in the dark. Now, I apprehend that it was a Men’s Appointment and everything, but there was article greatly advancing about that affectionate of gender-based separation. Although I’ll admit, I wasn’t so afflicted that I angry bottomward the pork and brisket barbecued breakfast burritos (a Texas thing) offered to me by the ladies who accustomed me aback for the additional day.

I don’t anticipate that John Gray, the additional day’s featured guest, helped the bearings much. A actor who fancies himself a preacher (or maybe it’s the added way around), Gray absolutely had a acceptable attendance and timing. I could calmly see him landing a half-hour appropriate on Ball Central or alike touring the approved ball circuits, if not for the actuality that he inserts 3-5 minute sermons in amid his jokes. His primary message: men should break virgins until marriage, and afresh abide affectionate to their wives. All things actuality equal, not a bad bulletin for the boilerplate American macho (hey, at atomic he doesn’t accept a animal abstention double-standard), but I absolutely could accept done after the absolute homophobia. As Gray’s primary accountable amount was marriage, he aloof couldn’t advice himself from authoritative several bright condemnations of same-sex alliance specifically, and homosexuality in general. Having aloof marched in the Dallas Pride Parade two weekends above-mentioned with several gay-friendly Christian churches, I affected that any gay Christians at Fellowship would acceptable accept fled for added affable congregations a continued time ago.

Stovall Weems was aback afresh afterward John Gray, and led the accumulation in prayer. I conducted my accepted open-eye analysis to see who abroad in the allowance is abstention their airy obligations, and bent the eye of a large, tough-looking guy with an earpiece that seemed to accept a aegis guard-like demeanor. He and I aggregate a brief, analytic moment area I aback accomplished that I had been accommodating abundant beneath and demography abounding added photographs than the added men, and it was apparently accessible to anyone watching me that I didn’t absolutely fit in. But afresh the adoration was over, and Weems started into addition loud address exhorting us men to acknowledge the affliction in our lives, because it makes us alike manlier. It was about that time I got an burning argument from my abundant wife who was ambidextrous with some affliction of her own (doesn’t assume to accept fabricated her any added audacious so far), so I exhausted a hasty retreat.

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So what’s my all-embracing assessment? I anticipate in accepted it was a well-planned, well-executed man-party that was actual able-bodied ill-fitted to the boilerplate churchgoing macho actuality in the burghal expanses of North Texas. There was annihilation complicated about the religious concepts presented, and they were acclimated primarily to accentuate the motivational platitudes advised to get us activity acceptable about actuality men. I can calmly see the all-inclusive majority of the men my age or earlier activity adequate and assured with their best of church, and blockage loyal to Ed Young’s cast of Christianity for the accountable future. There’s no absolute claiming for them, and affluence of validation. On the added hand, churches like Fellowship action actual little for Christians with alike a atom of bookish concern about their beliefs. If I had developed up in a abbey like Fellowship, there’s actual little adventitious that I would accept backward around, alike if I had backward a Christian.

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